Now, many people have done this before and I was able to articulate my thoughts. Apparently this time around I was not and it just added another thing to drain me in addition to everything else. I get that people ask me about afterwards. I don't have a problem with that, but the timing was all wrong this time around and considering my communication may not have been the best as well - I figured another post would be good to hopefully be able to communicate better that again, I do have my eyes wide open.
When I get back from Nepal, I have no idea what I'm going to do. That is still over 2 years away and really, how many not in school can ballpark figures of what they are going to need in over 2 years? Especially with the factors that apply to my situation - recent grad, international missions passion, desire to be founding house leader in L'Arche, and to talk with parents of children who have/are going to have a disability.
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT MY LIFE IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE!!! All I know is that my life for the next 27 months beginning in September I will be in Nepal as a Peace Corps volunteer. Yes, I'm aware that when I get back, things will need to be figured out. However, considering I will have been gone for 27 months, my 30th birthday will be 1.5 months from when I get back, and past experiences have shown me it takes time to acclimate after being abroad/new environment.
I do know that I will probably be in town at least until the end of the year so I can celebrate my birthday with close friends and family. After that? Here is a list of things I know I am going to have if I am going to be staying in the States for a bit.
1. Car/car insurance
2. Rent/furniture - I'm sure my parents can't wait until I am out of the house for longer than 1 year! (Although technically, I was out of the house for 2 years when I lived with Crystal and Anna and then went to school. However, I did stay with them in the summer because my job was in their area and where I was going to school was a long commute.)
3. Job/health insurance
4. School loans, if I haven't paid them completely off
5. Cell phone bill
The Peace Corps does give me a certain amount of money to help with expenses when I get back, which is a whole lot better than when I came back from Australia. I had nothing and hadn't anticipated it being difficult to find a job when I got back, but it was and I had nothing to live on. PC gives me something to live on so I will have something while I look for a job.
All this to say, I am aware of what is going to need to be figured out. I think my primary focus at the moment is and should still be preparation for me to go. As long as I am aware of things that are coming around the corner, which hopefully I have conveyed that I am, everyone should rest easy that I at least semi-know what I am doing as I follow God's plan.
Personally, I do not feel like I can ballpark anything until I know my next steps. The sky is the limit for me. I could move to Lethbridge, Alberta to experience community life with them. I could do missions, move to another country, city, state, and etc. Until I have a better idea of things, anything other than listing things down is pointless.
For example, if I am going to be in the States for only a little bit - I'm going to get a cheaper car. If I am going to be in the States longer - I'm going to get a nicer car. Rent varies according to where you live and where you live depends on where you get a job. There is way too much up in the air for me to even fathom anything other than naming some expenses I will have when I get back.
My own personal worry comes from the fact I'm more than likely not going to be able to pay off my student loans before I leave. If I focus on it too much, I get anxious and worried, which is not a state that God wants us to be in. Sorry about the length, but I think overall Matthew states it best on what I am trying to do.
"So don't worry at all about having enough food and clothing. Why be like the heathen? For they take pride in all these things and are deeply concerned about them. But your heavenly Father already knows perfectly well that you need them, and He will give them to you if you give Him first place in your life and live as He wants you to. So don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time." Matthew 6:31-34