I've recognized that my current things going on are due to putting pressure on myself. I'm doing better and taking things a day at a time, but yesterday as I was able to do some things I had to stop myself from being overwhelmed and down on myself at how much I still needed to do and my missing things. I can only do so much at once so I am taking a day at a time, but I have come to realize I need to do something I excel at semi soon and keep my focus on God's presence in my life.
The main thing I feel like I need to figure out even though it is by no means urgent, just something that is coming up to my thoughts when I'm choosing not to be overwhelmed is if it's coming up due to the past or if my prayer in Nepal for myself to change if it's in His will is occurring. I'm praying about it and I know time will tell, but it's driving me a little nuts. Something new could come up, but not having the anxiety I had previously is really throwing me off.
I realize just because I can does not mean I should, but it is something I want. I just feel like I need to figure out where I am in my thinking of wanting it. It's been so far off my radar the fact that I've felt released and that it could actually happen semi soon is surreal to me. It will take time regardless, but one would probably take longer than the other not to mention God could have something else in mind and my considerations now are just another step to what He has for me!. AUGH!!! lol After coming off some craziness, to catching up after the craziness, to another thing coming up - I guess I'd just like to have more of an idea of what God is doing than I currently have now.
This is where God is showing me I need to keep trusting Him. It's in the future, but closer to the day to day that God has shown me I am lacking. I am being humbled, which is good but also disheartening during this time of learning and trying to do a good job in the craziness. It comes back to what I've realized - I need to do something I excel in, keep in communication with God, and trust that He will work out everything together for His glory. God showed me how He had done that while I was in Nepal. I need to keep that in mind and know that He is in control even though everything feels like chaos!