What is a little funny about my realization is that my Dee Dee pulled back the two longest sides at the front to the back of my head and they just barely join. I can’t fit my hair into the spider clip yet so it really shouldn’t feel like to me that my hair is long, but it does. Ever since I have discovered the benefits of my thick hair being short, I have kept it. I haven’t had my hair shoulder length in seven years and even before that - my hair had been short. Not sure why I had let it grow out…
On another random note, while in IST there was a sign up sheet for Moringa tree seeds. This tree is extremely beneficial for health and all parts of the tree can be used. The discussion was how some people had signed up for 1/4 kg of seeds. One person pointed out that it was 900 sees in there and what would we do with that many. Of course, I piped up that we can eat the seeds. Yes - everyone started laughing. My brain had been thinking about not just ourselves eating the seeds, but everyone in our families as well. My family has five people including me in it and 900 seeds would not be enough for a year.
I’m going to a wedding today. Apparently a community leader came to my house and informed my Dai that he had not met me yet so he wanted me to come to his daughter’s wedding. Last night, my Dee Dee said there was another wedding going to happen tomorrow as well close by at another location. I love to dance even though way too often I don’t think I’m all that good at it, but the last time I was at a wedding - I found out later women made fun of me for my dancing…when I had been watching what they did and imitated them.
Nepali dancing is very fluid with the arms. I think my years of cheerleading in high school and dance a little in college have made it difficult to transition from rigidity to fluidity. Swing dancing is a mixture between being rigid and fluid at the same time, which looking back now is probably why I get confused sometimes with which move the guy is leading me to do. I’m concentrating too much on having a little bit of tension and not too much - then releasing that for a turn or something and coming right back into “tension, but not too much”.
Wow…this did not start out as a deep reflection, but has certainly become one! I’m changing. Not just how I look, but also the core of who I think I am. While I was in YWAM, I have said before how God picked up things I believed people had said about me, told me they were not true, and then threw them away. I have felt that over the years God has been showing how He has created me and what He thinks of me. Now - it’s almost like God is taking my past experiences and showing how I don’t have to be ruled by them. I have let my past define me. The past is a part of you, but it’s important to not let it define you too much.
…I did not even realize how some of them were. As I’m typing this, I’m actually quite stunned at this revelation. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine of my thoughts on Peace Corps, the new group coming in, our roles, and what we felt was important for others to know. My letters to some people I have been writing reflect the questions I have been asking myself while at IST and now. My mind is blown…
As y’all know, the theme God has been speaking to me is about trusting Him. I thought it was trusting Him in the day to day decisions. This revelation is showing me that He has much more bigger plans for me than I have ever thought. God is not just asking me to trust Him in the day to day decisions - He is also asking me to trust Him as He “shakes my core” for lack of a better phrase.
I think He is correcting my perceptions of what I thought I learned from my experiences…maybe even expounding on them. In the process, that is shaking the core of who I thought I am. Your past makes you who you are in the present, but when your past is put into a different light - your present is changed. I am still who I think and know I am, but I think I’m in the process of becoming someone a whole lot different than I had ever imagined I could be. This time - I have put my own self into a box.
It’s going to be blown to bits… While that is certainly terrifying, God is showing me I need to continue trusting in Him and He will be with me every step of the way. Of course, God has a tendency to only show bits and pieces at a time as He leads you through the steps of life. This revelation is quite possibly just another step in the direction He is leading me, which means my mind is going to be even MORE blown eventually.
God is God above all else. It’s up to us if we are going to trust Him as He leads or not. I’ll end with a quote from C.S. Lewis in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe with my own additions of capitalization since Aslan is the symbolism of Jesus, “‘Course He isn’t safe. But He’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”