That being said, I'll just put things out there because it's typically what I do anyways. I am afraid. I'm afraid that little things that have come up are God's way of preparing me that He is leading me to not go back to Nepal when PC says we are able to go back. I feel like I have done nothing during my time there and this time has been refreshing for me to feel that I can do so much more if I went back. I know that God is big and even though I may not feel that I have done anything - His Spirit inside me has probably touched others that I cannot even begin to realize.
I'm afraid that the people in my life that have supported me as I prepared to go to Nepal for 27 months are...I don't even know... I am just afraid that they are not going to like it that I may end up not completing the full two years. What's funny about that fear is that they are all friends and family. While they may not completely understand me following God's plan, I have no doubts that they will still be supportive of me regardless of what direction it takes.
I'm afraid of what the next step is if God does end up saying to not go back to Nepal. I had not really thought about it before since it was supposed to be 15 or so months before I really needed to think about the next steps. God has shown me over and over again that even though plans don't go as I had originally thought - His ways are always better. This is just another way He is showing me the areas that I still need to grow my trust.
Despite my fears, I am NOT afraid to trust in Him. I know He has got this - I just need to keep trusting in Jesus. PC wants to know by Monday if I am coming back or not because they need to review houses again since the second earthquake hit. God knows that deadline. He also knows He is going to need to make it EXTREMELY CLEAR for me if He is leading me to COS (close of service) early. I know what I want to do, but above that - I want to do what God wants me to do. He is going to give me what I need to follow His next steps where He is leading me.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I trust in God for His leading. Pray for the Nepalese.