These past couple months have been strange. Beyond my introvert behaviour, we have had travel restrictions and bandhs. I explained a little about the bandhs, but while it is only recently that they have affected my area - other volunteers have had it consistently going on and affecting availability in their villages. One volunteer told me they have had no onions available for a month and the only transportation available were night buses (which we are forbidden to take considering the roads, drinking, etc.).
Travel restrictions have been due to the increasing probability of landslides during monsoon. We have also had to readjust to village life after spending some time in the U.S. Quite a few of us have not only had to readjust, but also be in new villages - essentially starting all over again with the exception of having better language skills. These past couple months have been a learning experience for us.
I have reached the year mark of being in Nepal and another volunteer I talked with has reached their two year mark. As much as we integrate into the community and become a part of it - leaving after the earthquake has shown both volunteers and their communities that we really are not a part of them. I mean, I know I’m a slightly different person outside of village, but it wasn’t until this conversation that I realized integration can only go so far at times.
Recently, I received word that a friend of mine is going back to the U.S. This makes it a total of four people that have needed to leave for various reasons since we returned. Another friend is more than likely moving to a different district. The people I have become closest to are/will not be in country anymore or are no longer going to be as close locationally as they have been. Yesterday, I was semi ok with it. Today I am not.
I have told many people as they are going through things to take a day at a time, which is what I also plan to do too. In the meantime though, it sucks. I still have people in country to call, but as I have been working through some things I have discovered more often than not that they are not as available or they are going through things themselves and do not need to hear me verbal process. This is something I have been realizing during these past couple months, but is becoming more obvious now as our group grows smaller.
I have been reviewing my verse “to hold on to” for this journey. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. This is now becoming even more real to me than my feelings of inadequacies as I figure out the balance of work and introvert needs.
Regardless that I am going to be even more “alone” than I was - I still won’t. Jesus is with me. He is going to use these circumstances so that I rely more on Him. Life is a process! He has created me and going to continue working in me until my time on earth is complete. I just need to get that into my head a little better so I can go onto the next “class” ‘cause right now this process is not much fun. Of course, the next “class” will probably be even more difficult!
I am thankful that God is patient with me as He takes me through His plans. Thank you for your prayers and support! I also was recently reminded that even though someone may not be physically in your life as they have been - they still can be “forever friends”. The type that no matter how long time has passed, you can pick up your friendship as if there was no between time. I am blessed because I have many “forever friends”.