I know other volunteers are already doing some of the trainings that we received while in PST, but I’m not going to lie - I have been intimidated to do them in my own community. I have visited all but two wards in less than two months, but beyond going to a couple mother’s groups and outreach clinics - I haven’t really spent time in many people’s homes and getting to know people. I have been wanting to remedy that, but it seems my mostly every day visits to the health post initially have people thinking I need to be there every day.
Actually, I helped a friend build an improved cookstove at her house. When I came back after being there for a couple days, some people made concerns I was not happy where I was because I was not getting much support. They were probably thinking of other things rather than my not being at the health post, but I did tell them I was fine, had support from them, and was happy where I was - I had just helped a friend and when it was my turn, she’d help me.
Not too long afterwards, I discover my counterpart and another health worker are going to work at a health post closer to their own home. There are two new workers at our health post and it sounds like another is coming too. Definitely a change, but I have enjoyed getting to know them - just makes me wish I knew more Nepali!
Through all of this, my emotions have been up and down. I know I’m not expected to have things going right now, but it can be hard when you hear of other volunteers in your group doing things and all you’re doing is showing your face around. While going to an outreach clinic, I was asked what type of program I was doing… I explained I was still new and learning the language, but it sent me into a little bit of a panic that I was supposed to start those so I called another volunteer close to me.
They reminded me that my first three months are integration and assessing what the community needs. The next three months are planning how to meet those needs and afterwards, beginning to meet those needs. According to other volunteers, sometimes that doesn’t happen until the second year. God has been showing me I need to stop buckling under the expectations that may or may not be being placed on me. I need to focus on Him. He will show me why I was sent here - I just need to stop being distracted.
Reflection is always a good thing and while I am going through emotions that bring me up and down - I have realized that God has been taking me through steps. God has shown me who I am and how He has created me to be me - not what others have said. He has shown Himself faithful in my finances and big life decisions. He is now wanting me to trust Him in the day-to-day life decisions. I have been discovering this is so much harder for me.
I am certainly learning how to trust God in a whole new way and it is exciting!